.jpg)
In times of grief, seasons of waiting, and periods of relentless change, it can be difficult to see a path forward and find any discernible meaning in our suffering. By taking inventory of our lives and understanding where our gaps in awareness are, we can begin creating systems in ourselves and in our environments that help us embody a spirit of resilience to move through these challenges.
All of us experience emotions that can feel overwhelming, scary, and burdensome at times, but most of us are unfamiliar with paying attention to them. While it is understandable that we’d wish to banish these emotions altogether and just keep moving, they are packed full with valuable information about ourselves to help us improve our lives and relationships in the here and now.
Noticing and Slowing Down: Committing to taking care of our emotional selves can look very different for everyone. The first thing that we can do is slow down and pay attention to them. When we feel angry, what do we notice? Many of us have an elevated heart rate, we clench our jaws, our faces feel hot, or we shift in our seats uncomfortably. Being aware of these physiological cues, their corresponding emotions, and knowing them like the back of our hands can help us tune in to our emotional parts and commit to slowing down and listening to ourselves. They may let us know that we need to take a break before we respond or act.
Being Curious: After noticing our cues and slowing down, we can try and adopt the stance of a curious and compassionate friend towards ourselves. What might be going on within us? There’s probably a very good reason that a part of us that shows up as anger is checking in with us to share some valuable information about what does or doesn’t work for them. If we’re committed to understanding what the emotion is trying to tell us while withholding judgment, it is less likely to overwhelm us.
You're Most Likely Normal: This goes hand-in-hand with curiosity about ourselves. Chances are high that what you’re feeling right now many, many people have probably felt throughout time.
You are not bad, too much, or weak for feeling this way. When we can let ourselves know that what we’re feeling is probably normal and universal, our emotional selves feel taken care of and understood.
Take a Physiological Inventory After we practice a curious and compassionate stance towards an emotion, do we notice any physiological changes in our bodies? Notice if your heart rate has returned to normal, or your breathing is regular again, or if you feel ready to return to a conversation.
Once we’re more comfortable practicing emotional support of ourselves, we can start looking outwards towards others, as well. Having a steadfast support system throughout our lives is a big part of nurturing a resilient spirit. When we know we’re not facing things alone and we have trusted people to share our suffering, joy, or anything in between with, we help ourselves feel connected and cared for.
Therapeutic Support: Finding a licensed therapist or counselor that we feel comfortable sharing our wins, struggles, and experiences can help us build resilience. A licensed therapist can help us to connect the dots, be curious and compassionate instead of judgmental, and navigate the landscape of our emotions when they feel overwhelming. They use evidence-based practices to help us build a healthy relationship with our emotions and with our partners. They can also help encourage us to get connected to other communities that matter to us.
Community and Common Interests: When we are growing up, oftentimes there are built-in institutions and structures that foster community without as much effort, such as school, sports, and clubs. As we become adults, those natural opportunities for community become less apparent. A resilient spirit knows that its connections with others are important, and seeks out opportunities to share what matters to them with others. Time outdoors in a hiking group, book clubs, or learning a new language or skill can take care of the parts of us that need others.
An Inner Sphere: If you imagine a solar system with you in the middle, which people make up those rings that surround you? The inner rings are those people who treat you with respect, feel reciprocal in effort, are interested in knowing who you are, and are available and dependable throughout the lifespan. These are the connections that are important to invest in.
In cultivating a resilient spirit, we prioritize self-discovery, emotional awareness, and meaningful connection with others. By slowing down to notice and understand our emotions without judgment, we unlock valuable insights about ourselves that help us navigate life's challenges with greater clarity and strength.
Embracing curiosity and compassion, we can learn that our emotional experiences are valid and often universal, allowing us to feel less isolated in our struggles. As we build resilience from within, we also recognize the importance of fostering a supportive network of trusted individuals who can share in our joys and sorrows. Whether through therapeutic support or community engagement, these connections are essential to our well-being. Ultimately, nurturing a resilient spirit is about creating a balanced, compassionate, and connected life, enabling us to face adversity with courage and emerge even more whole on the other side.
